Once more I bring you tidings from the little plot of land by the sea. This time I would like to turn your attention to a surprisingly good article from the Diário de Notícias (DN) titled “Falsos abusos sexuais são arma de arremesso para afastar os pais” (Fake sexual abuse claims are a weapon for driving away fathers). I use the word surprisingly because it’s the type of article we don’t see often in the mainstream media, which for the great part is known for its rampant gynocentrism, DN included.
So in that sense, it’s refreshing to actually see an article where the prejudice and injustices against men and fathers are openly discussed, without the need to include somewhere in the text, a line about how women are also victims or whatever, for plausible deniability. To summarize, the article stays consistent and on track, with its focus directed at the perspectives of several fathers who went through the nightmarish ordeal that is the family court system, and that saw their kids taken away by whim of the mother via fake domestic violence and/or sexual abuse claims. So without further ado, I will be translating chunks of the article for you, adding brief commentary when necessary.
The article starts with an interview with Daniel, an alias since he is too nervous to reveal his true name, a man that lost his son when his former partner accused him of domestic violence. Daniel only managed to regain custody 3 years ago, and the article reads:
“The boy is now 9 years old. The father and the mother lived together for 2 years before his birth and for six months after it, until the relationship started to fall apart. Daniel, fictitious name, 50 years old, technician, proposed her separation and a joint custody of their son. The baby was a 1-year-old when the two separated.”
“They divided the trips to kindergarten, “One day I went in there to get my son and he wasn’t there. He never showed up again.” He was about to turn 2 years old. The father complains to the CPCJ (Commission for the Protection of Children and the Young) of subtraction of minors, gets a lawyer, and goes to court to demand the parental responsibilities. It’s then that the accusations of domestic violence appear. “They showed a report from an association in which I was accused of everything, without ever having listened to me in the first place.””
“The case for domestic violence lasted three and a half years, ending up dismissed for lack of evidence. With another case halfway between, that he lost, for verbal injury against his ex-wife’s dad. “It was before the domestic one was archived, which could have had helped my defense. I told him he was a criminal for separating me from my son. A nightmare”, says Daniel. He already spent 20.000 euros with the lawyer and the courts. How has he survived? “Out of love.””
So here we see this man being pushed to the brink of a mental and emotional breakdown, potentially even to the brink to bankruptcy, by that woman’s selfishness. If the courts managed to keep their heads clear of preconceptions against men, then the mere timing of that woman’s allegations should have been a dead giveaway of their fraudulent nature. Although, this was not the end of the accusations, nor of the hardships. The next paragraphs will also give you insight on just how corrosive is the influence of the child protection services and social workers, and on how they are so willing to undermine the relation between a father and his son.
“With the accusations of domestic violence, he could only be with his son in visits watched by a social worker through a glass. “That woman humiliated me.” But he never skipped a visit. “I feared that I would lose the bond with my son.””
“That seemed close to happening. The child begins not wanting to be with his dad, the visits remain but the kid would end up spending more time with the social worker. Daniel even buys a remote controlled toy car to capture the interest of his son. One day he brings the grandparents, “they were never forbidden to see their grandson”, and the social worker terminates the visit. He reports her, she refuses to mediate the meetings, that were then being held in Sintra, where he lived.”
This dad went through a series of hoops to spend whatever precious time he could with his son, subjecting himself to the contempt of this wretched harpy of a social worker, this representative of the State, who thought she knew what was best for the kid. This is the sad reality faced by fathers that see their character assassinated by a vindictive ex. In time the domestic violence charge was archived, and the court decreed that the child would spend one week with the father and one week with the mother, alternating, and Daniel would eventually see his sacrifices rewarded, when dealing with his, at the time, 5 year old son.
“At home, the dad notices that not only had the parental bonds not been broken, but that the son also carried memories from their first two years living together. “On the first night I made myself a bed in the floor of his bedroom, so that he would feel safe. He got up during the night to go to the bathroom. I ask why didn’t he turn the lights on and he answered that he didn’t need to. It’s funny how he went away when he was so little, but how he still remembered.” All went well for the next two years, until the accusations of sexual abuse appeared. A new investigation starts.
Failing to see accusation for domestic violence bear fruit, this vindictive bitch decides to claim instead that the child is being molested by the dad, saying that he inserted his penis in the child’s mouth and anus. Claims that were never confirmed by medical examinations of the boy. Seeing her strategy fail yet again, this woman becomes monstrously desperate and de facto sequesters the young boy. The article continues:
“The mother repeats the trips to the hospital every time the son returns from the father’s house, without ever proving the alleged abuses. The social workers begin to doubt her behavior, while at the same time they witness the good relationship between father and son. She ceases to bring the child to the father. He requests to at least see his son at kindergarten, which is granted. “All I could think was on what was going through the kid’s head. My dad appears and disappears? I subjected myself to anything to be with him.””
“Four months later, the son is delivered to him definitively by the police. Visits by the mother, under supervision, at the weekends are decreed, along with an alimony of 100 euros per month. This was 3 years ago. “She never showed up again, even at court. Her war was with me and the boy was the weapon. She lost, so she stopped caring about her son”, summarizes Daniel, in alignment with what the social workers define as parental alienation: the mechanisms that one of the parents employs to keep the child away from the other.”
“The war may be over but not the fear of losing his son. “I was concerned with losing the bond with my son. Not so much about the accusations of sexual abuse and their implications to my professional life.” He is a technician working for the State, and such accusations could spell the end of his career.”
“There are no studies in Portugal on the scale of fake sexual abuse claims. What is known is that, in 2014, of the 549 cases filed by the CPCJ for claims of sexual abuse, “in 122 of them the performed diagnosis confirmed the existence of a situation of sexual abuse”, state the technicians of the commission. That means that 78% were archived. The ones that are sent to the MP have a lower chance of being archived, little more than half of them. Last year, 1908 inquiries were filed, and 957 of them were archived.”
That’s amazing. 78%! Seventy-eight fucking percent! 78% of the cases filed with the CPCJ and over half of those filed through the Ministério Público, turn out to be bogus accusations. We keep hearing feminists and their ilk babbling on and on about rape epidemics, but what we actually see is a false rape accusation epidemic, that nobody talks about. Society keeps turning a blind eye to this, and continually taking the woman’s word as automatically true, but the thing is, 78% is too big of a number to keep ignoring for long. It would take malice to deny that there’s a serious problem going on. Back to the article:
“It happened to Jaime Roriz, head of the Association Pais para Sempre (Fathers Forever). His daughter will turn 18, she was a 1-year-old when she was taken from him, following accusations of physical abuse made by the mother. He lost his bond with the child, that no longer wished to be with his dad. “I decided that I wasn’t going to force it, and would wait for what the court had to say, which hasn’t happened yet. I payed for it, my daughter grew up without a father, but after all these years I think I’ve made the right call”, he believes. When his daughter is of age, he will try to rekindle contact and press charges against the Portuguese State in the European Court of Human Rights.”
“He is a lawyer, and works on family mediation for ten years. “The children are always the victims, the parents think they are harming each other, but in reality they are harming their children.” One of the parents, “generally the mother”, underlines Jaime Roriz, tries to separate the other from the child. “First they’ll say that he doesn’t have the necessary conditions, then they’ll complain of domestic violence, afterward, exhausting those options, they’ll turn to sexual abuses. Every time there is an accusation like this, the court forbids visits. Normally, it takes three to four years to conclude the case, and by then the child no longer wants to come back.””
“Delivering a child to the man is an unusual decision, says the lawyer, but he believes things are changing: “Also because there are increasingly more men that don’t give on their kids.””
“The forensic psychologist Rute Agulhas confirms a change of attitude by the part of the judges. “In the old days, as soon as a mother accused the father of sexual abuse, the decision was to interrupt visitation rights in order to protect the child. Now, whenever the accusation is not very consistent, the visits are kept, while under observation, so that contact is not broken.” She works at the Instituto Nacional de Medicina Legal and rates the behavior of the children, “since the majority of medical evaluations in cases of suspected sexual abuses reveal to be inconclusive.””
While the aura of suspicion still surrounds fathers when there is an accusation of sexual abuse or domestic violence, the magistrates are slowly beginning to grow wary of accusations on shaky grounds. By no means is this enough as a reaction to such a proportion of fake accusations, the courts still require men to be watched during visiting hours with their kids, as if they were dangerous animals. There is still so much to be done with regards to the basic respect that these fathers, these men, deserve. However, there is progress. In small measure, but progress nevertheless. Returning to the text, we have the example of one more father.
““Amorzinho” is how Joaquim calls his daughter, with whom he ceased living with ever since he got separated from his former partner, in 2012. One Portuguese and one Polish woman met in England and there they lived together for 4 years. Until they decided to move to Portugal. She suggests that he should arrive first to set things up. “Overnight, she decided that she no longer wanted to live with me.”, explains the businessman from Porto, 50 years old. The daughter was 2, today she’s 7.”
“While separated, Joaquim travels three to four times to England to be with his daughter. In 2014 they decide to fly the child to Portugal for the holidays. The father tells that the visits went well, shows the Christmas video taken at his family’s home and fun the child was having handing out the presents.”
“It’s then that things change. “I don’t know if it was the fact that the girl said that she missed me very much, and that she would like to be in Portugal. I don’t know if that made the mother fear that she would want to live with me”, ponders Joaquim.”
“The mom takes the daughter to a Polish psychologist with the suspicions of sexual abuse committed by the father, and this psychologist alerts the English social care. Trips to Portugal are immediately forbidden, and Joaquim can only see his daughter in visits watched by the mother.”
“This year, Joaquim traveled to England twice, the last of which in February. A new trip is booked this month for the first hearing in the case. “I’m not sure what will happen, I was never heard. My lawyer asked for some explanations and obtained no answer”, informs. He has little hope of ever living with his daughter again. “Generally the courts don’t alter the decisions made by the social services.” He promises to take the case all the way to Brussels if it happens.”
“What hurts Joaquim the most “is the cruelty of a mother, using a daughter, that is innocent and doesn’t know what’s happening, in order to harm someone else.””
The poignant stories of these men revealed to us the dark side of relationships where a child is involved, and how readily a woman will weaponize the child in her feud against the man. As the first story showed, that vile woman cared for nothing besides leveling as many baseless accusations as possible against the former husband, and when she lost every single case against him, she ceased to show further interest in their son. Since the boy could no longer be used to hurt the ex, why bother about him, right? That is in essence her reasoning in this.
One idea that is prevalent in cases like this, is how the children end up being the great victims in all of this. I don’t dispute that the kids are harmed as a result of these parental wars, obviously. Sometimes absolute tragedies happen, like the recent case of a woman from Caxias that murdered her two daughters, ages 1 and 4, by drowning them at sea. This woman had separated herself from the father of the children, and with that she also sought to block his contact with the girls, resorting to claims of domestic violence, and sexual abuse of the children. Claims that were not proven by previous medical examinations, and by the autopsy of the girls’ bodies. The father, Nelson Ramos, tried over and over to alert the authorities of the danger the girls were exposed to, claiming that the accusations were borne out of the vindictive nature of his ex. The authorities ignored him repeatedly, choosing to automatically believe in the mother’s accusations. The consequence were the deaths of these two young children at the hands of the mother, an act that can only be described as pure evil.
Children are victims in this, that’s a fact, but sadly society and the media at large, still overlook how fathers are actually hurt by all of this. It’s not just the fact that they have their kids abruptly taken from their lives, it’s the vilification, it’s the character assassination they are subjected to, it’s how they are destroyed and besmirched in the trial of public opinion, before they even set one foot in court. It makes one wonder on just how long things will be like this. How long will it take for these men to be properly vindicated? When will those that falsely accuse, be adequately punished for pulverizing an innocent man’s life? It may take far to long, but as the article showed we might be witnessing the beginnings of a change of attitudes regarding these cases, both among the magistrates and, to some extent, in the media. Could the tide be slowly turning? Let me know what you guys think in the comment section.
This was the Golden Eagle-Owl. Have a good night.