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Hello my MGTOW brothers, Reflections here. I believe it was Lord Stardusk(aka Thinking-ape) who coined the term “autopilot”. My interpretation of this concept is that it refers to the subconscious biological drives which guide decisions in our lives. The “goal” of this autopilot is to make sure we survive and reproduce. This got me thinking about Buddhist philosophy.
As a MGTOW we need to learn to take control of our autopilot so it does not lead to bad consequences like getting married or paying for women. But how do we do this? The answer is mindfulness. We can only consciously control the decisions we are mindful of. But this awareness is restricted to one object at a time, or in other words, one decision at a time. Thinking is linear in this way. Try to think of two things at the same time. It does not work right? The rest of the mental objects which are not in awareness make up the subconscious. Only when we bring our awareness to them can we have control over them. This is where mindfulness comes in handy.
The stronger our mindfulness the greater our ability to be aware and not let us go into auto pilot and then make decisions which have bad consequences. So, how does one improve ones mindfulness? The answer is meditation. We can learn to strengthen our mindfulness and awareness in this fashion. The good news is that awareness is a very flexible thing. We can have it single-pointed at our object of concentration. We can also let it be more broad and all-encompassing. In meditation we learn to shine the light of awareness on our subconscious desires and control them.
So how does one meditate? It’s quite simple. There are two main forms of meditation. Concentration meditation and insight meditation. These are sometimes referred to as shamata (breath meditation) and vipassana (insight meditation). Shamata meditation is performed by sitting with a straight back, eyes closed or slightly open, and focusing on the air coming out through the nostrils. When a thought, feeling, or sensation arises simply ignore it and go back to focusing on the breath. This meditation is great for developing great single-pointedness of mind, what we commonly refer to as concentration on one object. Vipassana meditation is different from shamata meditation in that it does not ignore the objects of awareness but instead recognizes them as ordinary phenomena. This meditation is done by sitting with a straight back, eyes open or closed, and focusing on the rising and falling of the abdomen. When you are breathing in you note quietly to yourself “rising” (referring to the abdomen rising when breathing in). When you are breathing out you note quietly “falling”(referring to the abdomen when breathing out). When a thought arises you quietly note it and you say to yourself “thought”, similarly when a feeling arises you quietly note it to yourself as “feeling”, similarly, with other emotions or sensations or other objects arising in awareness.The goal of this meditation is to give you true insight into the nature of reality.
According to Theravadan philosophy, reality consists only of experience: sight, hearing,touch smell, and taste. Thinking can be construed as the sixth sense referring to internal dialogue. Emotions can be seen as an inner dimension of touch. The goal of this meditation is to realize that there is no-one experiencing these things, they simply arise in awareness and we falsely attribute an “I” to these experiences. In fact experientially realizing that we are just pure awareness is to have reached enlightenment. All we are is an all-encompassing awareness in which experiences can arise. What we truly are is like a mirror.Many things can appear on the mirror but we are not those things, we are the mirror itself. This awareness is all-encompassing and infinite. And awareness is itself self aware. With vipassana meditation we can learn both concentration and insight.
The goal of shamata meditation is to increase concentration to single-pointedness of mind which in turn allows you to penetrate deeply into the nature of reality and attain insights. So these meditations both have the same goal, that is enlightenment, realizing that we are simply pure self-aware awareness. It’s just that in Vipassana meditation we practice both concentration and insight at the same time while shamata meditation begins with practicing concentration so we then can cultivate insight. I will put links to meditation instructions for those interested in the description.
We need not believe or aim for enlightenment though. It is simply enough to practice some meditation to gain greater control over our autopilot. The more we meditate, the more we are able to decrease the influence this autopilot has over us. This is a good aim for anyone, but especially MGTOWS. But for many MGTOW monks out there, enlightenment is the perfect goal. It is the ultimate search for truth. By answering the question “What am I?” we gain the truth of the nature of reality.
Buddhism has some really interesting things to say about happiness too. This should be interesting for anyone, I mean we all want to be happy and avoid suffering. All animals have these preferences. Gaining happiness, avoiding pain and conserving their energy. According to Buddhism the cause of suffering is ignorance, the treatment for ignorance is insight. This ignorance is based on humans believing or projecting that things of the world can be permanent, satisfying, and controllable. But things are constantly changing, they are not satisfying, and they are not controllable.
Take the case of a relationship with a woman. The media sells us the idea of the perfect marriage and relationship with the white picket fence. But this relationship is not permanent, the dynamics of the relationship always change, and people get divorced and fall out of love. It also is not ultimately satisfying because moments of happiness are coupled with moments of sadness and pain. It is not satisfying because the pleasure is not permanent. Further the relationship is not controllable, we cannot control the person we have the relationship with. Love can be seen as an addiction to a chemical cocktail of drugs. As with any addiction it is not permanently satisfying, the more of the drug you get the more you become dependent on it, and the more tolerant you become to it. The source of your drug (the woman) is out of your control. This is a recipe for unhappiness and disaster. It is just that Love and sex are socially accepted drugs.
When you think of it, why do human beings do anything? Eat, Sleep, Shit or Work? Its because it gives us a chemical stimulation in the brain. For example, we eat fast food to feel good, we eat to feel good, we sleep to feel good. Every time there is a positive stimuli, the brain starts pumping out chemicals, seretonin and dopamine. And the more we keep stimulating the receptors the more resistant we become to the drug. Anything, in this sense, can be a drug. So moderation is important. According to buddhism even things that make you happy cause suffering because of this addiction forming pattern. After we bring something to the senses that is pleasant we start liking it, then we want it to be permanently satisfying and controllable. But the more we indulge the less satisfying it becomes.
The idea of ultimate happiness for Buddhism is peace of mind. Not finding certain stimuli either pleasant or unpleasant. Pure equanimity with things are they are is the recipe for happiness. Another aspect of ignorance which causes suffering is our tendency to lie, steal and use harsh language. When we lie we find it hard to trust other people because we are understanding other people by mentally modelling them on ourselves. When we steal we start becoming afraid that people will steal our possessions. When we use harsh language we become afraid of people attacking us verbally. If we kill someone this causes us to ourself fear for our lives. This is the law of karma. It is a mental law. Understanding karma is absolutely essential for a persons hapiness.
So Love and sex are addictions and these are to be avoided in order to attain peace of mind. But what about porn and masturbation? This helps us control our addiction to women right? Yes it does, because when we use porn and masturbate it is like any other addiction. The more stimulus we receive the more tolerant we become to it. So if we masturbate and view porn regularly, we might not even be attracted to a “regular” woman. But at the same time our dopamine circuits of the reward system gets saturated and we find it hard to find anything enjoyable and exciting except porn and masturbation. Because of the lack of a control group, research has not been made as to how abstaining from porn and masturbation effect us mentally and physically. But there is anecdotal evidence. A group on reddit called nofap brings us stories of what happens when we start to cut down on the porn and masturbation. People report getting so called “superpowers”. These superpowers manifest in greater confidence, greater motivation and clearer thinking.
I think it is important to be moderate in many things. It is important to tame and control this sexual energy and apply it to our life-purpose or our work. I have myself quit porn but do masturbate occasionally. My longest streak so far without it has been 3-4 weeks. I can attest to the benefits posted in the reddit group. Life seems more enjoyable, I do get more confidence, motivation and I do think more clearly. I have learnt to harness and use this sexual energy and I would recommend doing so for other MGTOWs . Use this energy to work on your goals and life purpose. If it gets impossible, have a wank, but then start your streak again.
There was a time in my life when i wanted to think it was possible to live happily without a woman. I then thought about the benefits a woman provides you with. I came up with the following: sex, intimacy, company and offspring. If the woman is smart, intellectual stimulation might be possible.
But if we do not want to be dependent on the drug of love and women, what can we do? Sex we can get by masturbating occasionally, even using a fleshlight. We can even go to a prostitute in the countries where this is legal. In the countries where it is illegal there exist these massage parlours who give happy endings. In the future, maybe sex-technologies will improve so that we can start having virtual sex with any woman we would like. What about intimacy? This can be replaced by going for a regular massage or getting a pet. So what about company and intellectual stimulation? Male friends can provide this, in most cases in a superior fashion than a woman can.
So by deconstructing the benefits a woman provide us with we can start forming a plan to satisfying them without the risks involved. But what about addiction? We will not develop equanimity to stimuli easily. But what about enjoying the deconstructed benefits a woman brings in moderation while performing vipassa meditation? This way we get what we need and we develop true peace of mind, equanimity and peace.
After all this serious discussion i think its time for a funny story. A novice monk was missing his girlfriend and asked the head monk what to do about it. The head monk said “Have her send you a container with her excrement in it and smell it whenever you miss her” Yes pretty ladies have to poop too lol. When we are in love, or otherwise chemically addicted we start idealizing the qualities of our chosen heroine and justify continuing with the addiction. We do not think that women have nasty poop, snach-gunk and even bleed all over the place when they menstruate. If they don’t shower they will smell. But we rarely see these things. When addicted we are not perceiving reality clearly.
Those were my Reflections. Have a nice day!