Since we have become MGTOW, since we have taken the label, whether that label is MGTOW, herbivore or just a man that does not wish to engage with terrorists (I am sorry I meant to say women); a lot of us reach a stalemate. The decision to be MGTOW was the easiest decision we had to make. It was the natural and logical decision that any man with some logic rocking about his brain would have taken anyway. Men across the globe are walking away from marriage and they don’t even identify as MGTOWs.
You see when the system is against you, when the cards are stacked unfavourably, when whether your life getting ruined is left to chance and you have almost no control over it… then you simply walk away. The men of this generation have also been fed the feminist propaganda and the equality narratives and a lot of them have taken the lessons on board. And, you see, for these truly equalist men it goes without question that nothing is distinctly their fault, they will take blame when blame is due, but when the fault is clearly not their own, they will have a problem understanding why they will come to face the consequences of it.
So the decision came easy for a lot of men. Whether they heard it from someone else, whether they are a part of growing community of men going their own way, whether they have all figured it out on their own, the decision comes easy. But following that decision, there comes the next day. And that’s where I see a lot of problems for these men.
The reasons are multifaceted for all these men and all I can do is generalise here… A lot of these men had a plan. Go to University, get a good job, make some money, marry the woman of their dreams, have a family and live happily ever after. For a lot the “dream” ended, for a lot the “dream” never started. But I guess for the majority of the men, who were brought up in this globalised Hollywood romance related era, they would have had similar dreams to the ones that I had. But coming into the real world a lot of younger men have come to the realization that relationships with females are deeply unsatisfying and quite damaging, so they quickly change their views. Some men were brought up in fatherless homes and know that there is a distinct possibility that the same label that was used to describe their “deadbeat” father might be used to describe them one day, so they never try. But it seems that once these men give up on their “dream”, they are sometimes left with a large void that is generally left unaddressed.
I think that as a movement we need to start focusing on these men a lot more than we currently do. If we bring men to the realization that they might have to live a solitary existence, an existence outside the realm of today’s society… I think the least we can do for these men is guide them through the difficult road that comes ahead.
I am not going to tell you to focus on your hobbies. I am not going to tell you to find a job that you enjoy to work. I am not going to tell you to follow your dreams. I am not going to tell you any of that shit. I think those are natural reactionary thoughts. Those things come almost naturally to most men. But those things are not the next step. The next step is the hardest step of it all.
We have spent our entire life looking outwards to the world, taking experience, advice guidance, but we have never turned the lens to look at ourselves. I believe the next step following becoming MGTOW, is understanding yourself.
Reading this right now, does not actually speak honestly to the reality of what it first was for you to first accept the message. And if you are honest with yourselves, you will remember that back in the day it caused you turmoil. The concepts that were getting thrown your way and were getting imprinted on your subconscious, gynocentrism, hypergamy, male mother need and widespread misandry made you initially quite upset. And for lack of a better phrase, this shook your sense of self. A lot of us reacted in anger, a lot of us reacted with hypervigilance and a lot of us had a combination of the two. But once that is happening what we need to focus on is the next step.
Barbarossa called it shedding of the ego. And I think for every MGTOW out there, before you focus on anything else, before you change your life around, before you start dropping your friends, before you quit your job and before you retreat back inside of your shell, you need to first understand yourself. You need to above everything, search inside of you to find yourself. Don’t think that I am going to say some profound techniques here that are going to aid self-discovery. I am not really into self-help books although I have used them, I am not going to advertise meditation, I am not going to advertise reading, I am not going to advertise youtube videos. FUCK THAT, use whatever works for you.
The process for me was visceral, it was angry, it brought back old memories, it brought back feelings of depression, it brought back urges that I did not think I had in me anymore, and it was not pleasant. So do not assume that this is going to be easy, do not buy in to anyone telling you how to do it. All I can say from experience is where you need to focus on and the end game. After that it’s all you.
When I was going through it and I think I still am going through it. I broke my identity down to 3 parts: human, man, mgtow. And this identity was not one where I was adding attributes to myself, but rather one where I was removing attributes. Each step that I was taking was one where I would see my behaviour and my reaction to stimuli and I would reflect back on those three aspects.
Firstly it’s understanding what’s holding you back. And I have found that what was holding me back was all the endless brainwashing that I had to endure over the years. And once you reflect back on things I found it easier to focus on the voice inside my head that was pushing me back in walking the path of the “good” man, the SIMP and the mangina that I used to be. The voices ranged from my mother’s, my father’s, ex-girlfriends’, tutors’, teachers’, professors’, friends’ they were all in there. Every attempt to walk my own way was met with criticism with something inside of my head. And I had to first get rid of that. I had to first understand who was it that was giving me grief, find him/her and discard them out of my head. I had to understand what I wanted to do, how I honestly felt about those things which meant revisiting a lot of my choices. At times I had to re-evaluate a lot of things, I had to re-think a lot of things, I had to look back at my past relationships and assess what was really my fault and what wasn’t; taking the blame where it was due, and rejecting it when it wasn’t mine. I had to see feelings of guilt for past experiences as problematic and completely walk away from all that. Lastly, I had to come to terms that the self that was, was part of me, accept that I used to be that man, stop regretting that I wasted my time all these years, and walk away from the garbage, the discarded filth of lies, misandry and guilt into my new self. I had to look inside of me and build my own version of masculinity based on my own truth, enable myself to feel again, understand my set of morals and set clear boundaries with this new found freedom on this newly found self; that I was not willing to cross. And once the majority of the work was done, I had to accept that this is not the end of this and this process will be a continuous process of re-evaluation and re-experiencing.
Then came the life choices and then came the hobbies, the life that I wanted to live and all the rest of it. But before that there was all of this. Depending on the individual the length of the process varies dramatically. And the demons that each person has to face, vary dramatically from one another. Some may not be able to walk away from everything and that’s okay. Functionality at 95% is much better than the 10-15% it once was.
I think it’s about time we recognised this as something that people are going through. Engage with the people that are going through it and help as much as we can as a community anyone that may be lost and unable to find their way. MGTOW is not simply about numbers and critical mass. It is not simply about walking away. It is not simply about rejecting relationships. There’s a lot more. What’s more is the right to reclaim our masculinity, our right to feel and our right to exist as a human being and not a human doing.